12/7/2022 0 Comments You dont love me now![]() You need to embrace your self-worth so that when someone worthy does love you, you can love them back. ![]() You will finally understand that you can walk away from someone who cannot give you what you need – and you will not just be okay, but you will feel stronger for having left, for having advocated for yourself, for freeing yourself up for something better.īut being open to that something better is why we must return to the second part of that sentence. You will have realised that just because one person does not love you does not mean no one ever will. You won’t believe your only options are feeling neglected, or being alone. Only when you begin to believe yourself worthy, only when you can imagine yourself as being valuable and lovable and able to thrive on your own, will you be able to pick better partners – because you will know you have choices. You need to get comfortable with the idea that you are worthy of love, and that your self-worth exists entirely independently of the opinion of whatever man happens to wander into your life. And so you gravitate towards the familiar, staying in dynamics where you devote yourself to someone and end up feeling unworthy, unwanted, unloved. You learned that you do not deserve love, and should be grateful for any attention you get. You learned that love is never feeling loved back. You learned that love is longing for safety, respect, affection – and never receiving them. You learned that love feels like you’re constantly chasing someone, like you’re auditioning for someone else’s approval, like someone else has the power to decide your worth. You learned that love is filled with intense cruelty, then intense relief in the moments the explicit cruelty stops. You learned that love feels like not being able to trust your partner, but not trusting yourself, and so never feeling sure of anything. You learned that love should constantly feel like you exist to serve someone else’s needs, and never express your own. And wrong factually, in that what you learned about what a loving relationship feels like, was incorrect. Wrong morally, in that you should not have been abused. The problem is, these lessons were wrong. It taught you what love looked and felt like, and you internalised these lessons. Your first relationship – a long-term, serious, abusive relationship – was formative. “I just feel that I’ll never find someone who will truly love me, would want to be with me – and I’ll also have the same feelings for him.” Pay attention to the last part of that sentence, we’ll be coming back to it, because it’s important.Ībusive relationships have a way of skewing our perception of love in horrific and insidious ways. Men tell you they cannot commit to you, and instead of leaving, you stay, knowing you will spend every moment with them longing for love.Īnd then you perfectly outline your predicament. Since then, you’ve only connected with men who are unable or unwilling to commit to you, leaving you longing for love. You’ve laid out a pattern quite clearly, beginning with an early, long-term relationship that was abusive, dishonest, dehumanising, and left you longing for love, both during and after the relationship. I think you can see yourself more clearly than you’re acknowledging. I will be grateful if you could show me the things I am not able to see for myself and what I have been doing wrong. Is something wrong with me? I just feel I’ll never find someone who will truly love me, would want to be with me – and that I’ll also have the same feelings for him. I am at a stage in life where I think and look back that all the guys I have met have never wanted to be in a relationship with me. I’ve started having feelings for him but I know he will never love me. I feel lonely and sleep with him because he is honest about what he wants. It’s been six months now and he has clearly stated that it’s casual. Then I met another guy and have been in a physical relationship with him. We don’t talk anymore but I got really attached to him and I find it difficult to not think of all the ‘what ifs’ if we were still talking. ![]() I needed stability but he never confirmed anything from his side. I met a man two years ago and we talked for a year but it wasn’t clear what relationship we had. I started meeting new guys and also slept with few of them. The guy cheated on me and since then I’ve been craving for the love he once had for me. I am 26 and was in a seven-year relationship which turned out to be abusive.
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